[stream of consciousness]
Realisation that I feel uncomfortable at times.
Analysis to discover what is common to these particular episodes that make me feel awkward.
Recognition that the triggers are generally things in popular culture that are unethical or unacceptable to my one of my (post?)modern, Western, white, male or Christian sensibilities.
Fear registers! Recognition that I don't like being controlled by those reactions!!
Question. Why?
Hmmm...
Thought: Am I scared of getting old and the requisite loss of coolness that goes along with it? Becoming a Christian bigot?
Thought: Am I not an open-minded enough Christian to simply expect to be exposed to sin and be able to ignore it while enjoying the good of culture?
Thought: Am I becoming a critically minded, disconnected from fun, fundy?
Mental searching of Scriptures: Micah 3:2.
Perhaps the reactions are ok then?
Nagging thought that I'm missing something.
Stupid thing still won't go.
Recognition of a second fear! I think I'm scared that if I have this natural revulsion I'll not be able to engage with people where they're at!
How can I connect with and be a servant to those whom I alienate by my negative reactions?
Recognition that I'm just a bit scared of offending people.
Recognition that it's ok to be myself and have my own reactions.
It's love not lack of offense that will genuinely connect with people.
Thoughts about the pressure of my young adult social circle to not be typical white, middle class and to have experienced the down and out and 'gritty real life'.
Recollection of the feeling that I fulfilled the stereotype that they were decrying.
Will stop now, in Hebrew class.
[/end stream of consciousness]