That you need to connect with someone personally before offering any thoughts on their life.
I learned in an IT lecture, of all places, that listening requires 4 things. I've now re-badged this into my little 'love is spelled LAER' spiel.
To love someone, firstly you must simply Listen to them. You have to genuinely be hearing what they're saying, how they're saying it and trying to understand them, not a preconceived idea about who they are.
Secondly, you must Acknowledge them. "I hear you." or "I can see where you're coming from." Without this step, the person may not realise that you've done the first, and may not feel that you think their thoughts are worthwhile listening to. That you value them as a person enough to hear what they have to say.
Next, and only after L and A, you should Explore what they've said, and its affect on them. "Wow, how did that feel for you?" or "What's got you to this point?" or perhaps as things go on, "Where does all the emotion that's driving these feelings in you really stem from?" There's plenty of reasons for this step. If you respond before truly understanding the issue, you'll screw it up. Even if your false understanding of the issue is the one they want you to have. Truth matters, and it's vital to make sure you've got it before addressing anything.
Lastly, and only ever after L, A and E, you can Respond. (This step may not necessarily be appropriate on every occasion. Certainly, if you haven't got connection(short-hand for pathos, trust, empathy, that sort of thing) after L, A and E then definitely don't start making calls about their life!) This response, if administered, ought be a carefully balanced serving of both Truth and Love, in proportion to the level of trust present.
In evangelism, apologetics, counselling or even catching up with a friend, LAER isn't a bad way to spell LOVE.
Agree? Disagree?
